This development did not happen a moment too soon. In fact, I’ll be darned if I can figure out why it did not happen a lot sooner than it did. And why did it take science to figure it out?
If somebody had done their homework a little over three years ago, it might have saved a whole lot of people a good deal of trouble and worry. But at least somebody finally got to the bottom of it.
I would have expected the press to dig up this very simple and more than adequate explanation. A little bit of nosing around by an enterprising journalist would’ve done the trick…it seems to me. I don’t really want to jump on the press bashing bandwagon, but come on guys. This story was not that hard to find.
I guess everybody was just too focused on politics. I mean a lot of pretty smart people have been trying to explain it for three years. Gosh, it was that long ago, wasn’t it? Three years to the day.
In the end, the explanation was simple. Two words. Mandrake Falls. That’s Mandrake Falls, New Hampshire.
It turns out that absolutely every single person who marched on the Capitol on January 6, 2021, was a resident of Mandrake Falls. It is hard to believe that not even the FBI noticed a pattern. It took a little known scientific researcher in artificial intelligence named Pam Dawson from Westchestertonfieldville, Iowa to make the discovery. Of course, she immediately reported her finding to her superiors, but they ignored her data for the longest time. We’re all just very lucky that a fellow named Longfellow Deeds eventually got wind of Ms. Dawson’s work and published it just yesterday in The Flat Earth Chronicle. Now the whole world knows, news travels so fast.
You’re still wondering how this discovery explains January 6th? Gee, I thought everyone knew that everybody from Mandrake Falls is pixelated.