Or How I Learned to Love the Kool-Aid
Our President has declared victory more than any President has ever declared victory in the history of the United States of America. He’s a marvel. I don’t know how he does it. He’s amazing.
For him, I suppose, it’s kind of annoying. Every other President only had to win (or lose) a war once. Donald Trump has managed to win the same war so many times that I’ve lost track of the number of times he’s won this war.
How many times has he declared victory in his war against Iran?
Ten times? Twenty?
I can tell you, that’s a lot of winning.
And there have been so many great results from winning this war.
The President single-handedly destroyed Iran’s capability to manufacture weapons grade uranium, gosh, at least half a dozen times.
The President destroyed all of Iran’s ballistic missiles several times too.
According to the President, Iran no longer has a single airfield from which to launch fighter jets or bombers.
Of course, Iran doesn’t really need the airfields anymore because all of Iran’s planes were destroyed in the first five minutes of the war. And then, they were destroyed all over again a few days later. And again, a few days after that. And so on and so forth.
Iran’s army? What’s left of it is hardly worth mentioning. I mean, the US Marines could land tomorrow, and there would not be one Iranian soldier there to put up a defence. A land invasion would be a cake walk. So easy, in fact, why bother the Marines with it? Jared Kushner could secure the entire country with one hand tied behind his back.
Did I mention the Strait of Hormuz? It is more open than ever. Ships not only glide through it like Brill Cream through the hair of an Elvis impersonator, but they also get paid for the honor. No kidding! Iran pays a toll to each and every oil tanker going by. The impacts of these tolls stagger the imagination, not to mention the confidence of oil tanker captains.
All that’s left of Iran’s Armed Forces are a handful of drones. Really? Drones? We ain’t scared of no drones. Not since Pete Heggseth hired the drone busters. They’re armed with special proton packs and neutrona wands. Since the drone-busters came on board, every single Iranian drone attack has been successfully contained and the drones safely stored for future rehabilitation.
Well, you can see by now that sure as shootin’, when Donald Trump does a thing, whether it’s war or peace or a ballroom or a reflecting pool, he gets the job done like nobody’s business.
And to prove it is not just dumb luck, like a science, he repeats his success over and over and over.
In all sincerity, I cannot for the life of me understand why some people still don’t like the man. The Nobel Peace Prize isn’t good enough for him. An Academy Award Oscar would be an insult to his greatness.
No institution on the face of the planet has the perspicacity, the wisdom, the intelligence, the judgement, the vision, or the leadership to grant the President an award that could adequately dignify his enormous and consequential contributions to humanity.
If we were all genuinely humble in the light of his shining hugeness, we would just drink the Kool-Aid and have done with it.
As things stand, however, given the way we are in real life, he’s probably going to have to do that job for us.
Do you think he’ll manage it?
When you look at all his other accomplishments, why in the world would you have any doubt?